Secrets
by Falaflen
Summary: Kalinda and Lana both have secrets, but what happens when these secrets are revealed? Post 4x03 - going AU after that. Reviews are appreciated.
1. Chapter 1

Lana was getting so close to the edge. Kalinda's fingers were moving inside of her – pumping in and out - and her thumb was on her clit. This was definitely something Kalinda knew how to do. "Ah… Fuck Kalinda" she moaned, loving the feeling of having Kalinda pressed up against her this way. Lana's words encouraged Kalinda to fuck her harder and faster, causing Lana to moan louder as she moved in rhythm with Kalinda's hand.

As Lana was just about to come there was loud knocking on her front door. This made them both freeze for a second. "Ignore it, they'll go away" Lana said breathlessly. She moved against Kalinda's hand and Kalinda quickly picked up the fast pace she had been working in before. The knocking continued though, but both women ignored it now. Lana really needed Kalinda right now, and she didn't care who was at her door. It couldn't be anyone important at this late hour.

Lana was again right at the edge, only a little more… "Mom! Mom, are you in there?" the words was shouted through the front door as there was knocking again. Lana froze up completely this time.

Kalinda wasn't stopping though. She nipped at Lana's ear and whispered: "She'll go away when she realizes she has the wrong place."

Kalinda didn't even stop to think that the girl shouting out in the hallway might have the right place – at least not until Lana pushed her off. "No, Kalinda, I have to get this" Lana said as she immediately began to fix her clothes while at the same time trying to catch her breath.

She was buttoning up her shirt, missing a few buttons on the way due to her rush. She straightened out her skirt and then looked panicked around the room. "Where the hell are my panties?" she whispered, not wanting it to be heard through her front door.

Kalinda started looking around the living room. She couldn't remember where she had tossed them after ripping them off of Lana. "I don't think you can get them back on though" Kalinda said smiling wryly at Lana, thinking back to when she had reached up under Lana's skirt and torn the flimsy material from her body. She remembered Lana's gasp at this and felt herself getting wet at the thought.

"Mom, come on! I can hear you in there!" The girl shouted, continuing her knocking.

Lana looked towards the door and then back to Kalinda who was still smiling at her. "This is not funny!" She said, sounding rather panicky.

Kalinda couldn't understand where this panic was coming from. It was ludicrous to think that the girl who had so rudely interrupted them was actually Lana's daughter. Kalinda would have known about that, right? Although, now that Kalinda came to think about it, how much did she and Lana really know about each other?

Lana looked around the room again and sighed. "Screw it" she mumbled, giving up on finding the lost panties. She had to get the door, even though this was like the worst possible situation to be caught in. She straightened herself out, tried to get her breathing under control, which she wasn't entirely successful at, and went to open the door. Kalinda was looking on in the background. She gave up on finding the torn panties as well since she was far more interested to see this person who was calling Lana mom.

Lana opened the door and couldn't help but smile at the sight of the girl standing there. "Kelly, hi, this is a surprise." Kalinda was taken aback by how quickly Lana's tone had changed from nearing panic to now sounding all calm and… Motherly?

"Hey, is this a bad time?" Kelly said with a grin, looking behind Lana at Kalinda. Kalinda saw the way the girl was looking her over and shifted uncomfortably. She suddenly felt very much out of her element.

Lana didn't seem to notice though, or maybe just chose to ignore it. "Of course not sweetie, come on in" Lana said and stepped aside so that Kelly could enter the apartment.

"Then why are you all sweaty and out of breath?" She asked grinning at Lana as she walked inside. Kalinda noticed the blush appearing on Lana's face and smiled to herself. At least she wasn't the only one uncomfortable with this.

"Kelly, what are you doing here?" Lana asked ignoring her question. "It's past midnight; you should be home in bed. Is something wrong? Are you okay?" Kalinda was watching Lana closely. She seemed so different in the way she was talking to this girl. Could it really be that Lana indeed was this girl's mother? She was certainly worried about Kelly, there was no doubt about that, but you would also be worried about a sister, right? Kalinda really didn't want to believe this about Lana, because it would change her entire image of who Lana was, and she actually liked the image she had.

Kelly was looking up at Lana for a while without saying anything. It seemed as though she was contemplating which question to answer. Instead though, she turned towards Kalinda and quickly walked over to her. She stretched out her hand for Kalinda to shake. "Hi, I'm Kelly. Are you my mom's girlfriend?" She asked, as though it was the most natural thing in the world.

Kalinda didn't take the offered hand. She had just gotten the confirmation she hadn't wanted. She looked behind the girl at Lana who wasn't meeting her eyes. She was shaking her head and covered her eyes with her hand as she exhaled. Kalinda could tell that Lana had not meant for Kalinda to know about this.

"Kelly, does Lisa even know where you are?" Lana asked her daughter, deciding to deal with this issue first.

Kelly turned away from Kalinda and towards Lana instead. She didn't meet her eyes though; she was looking down at her feet, which was as much of an answer as Lana needed. "Damn it Kelly, you can't just leave in the middle of the night, she must be worried sick!" Lana got her cell phone out and quickly dialed a number. "Go leave your things in your room, while I talk to her" Lana told Kelly who immediately did as she was told as she disappeared into the hallway.

Kalinda was just looking on, wondering who this Lisa person was and contemplating if she should just sneak out while Lana was on the phone. This really wasn't any of her business.

"Hey, it's Lana" Lana said as the phone must have been answered. "Wow, calm down! … Yes, she's here, she's fine… I don't know, she just got here… I know I already told her… I'll talk to her… No, don't, It'll be 2 am by the time you her home, I'll just take her to school tomorrow…" Lana rolled her eyes, and Kalinda noticed how she clenched her fist. "Yes I know where her school is Lisa… I know… I know…" Lana was speaking through gritted teeth now. "I'll talk to you tomorrow, good night!" Lana hung up the phone and Kalinda worried she was going to throw it through the room. "Bitch" Lana said angrily.

Kalinda could sense that she really needed to get out of here now. Lana clearly had other things to deal with right now. "I should go," she said. She quickly retrieved her jacket off the couch and walked towards the front door without looking at Lana. She had been foolish enough to think that she knew Lana, but now she didn't feel like she knew anything about her, and it surprised Kalinda to learn that she was actually hurt by this.

As Kalinda got to the door, she felt Lana's hand close around her wrist, holding her back. "Kalinda, can we talk about this?" She asked with a pleading look in her eyes, that Kalinda found she couldn't or didn't want to refuse.

She nodded. "Tomorrow, lunch?" Kalinda suggested. She at least needed an explanation for this.

Lana smiled and nodded, relieved that Kalinda didn't just blow her off, at least not yet. Kalinda smiled back at Lana before she moved her wrist out of Lana's grip and left the apartment.


	2. Chapter 2

Kalinda arrived at the cafe where her and Lana had agreed to meet. She was glad she had suggested lunch, so she didn't have to wait longer to have this conversation with Lana. She had found it difficult to focus at work all morning, her mind constantly returning to this very confusing situation she had suddenly found herself in. She spotted Lana at a table in the corner and slowly walked towards her.

Lana smiled an uncertain smile as Kalinda approached her. "Hey" she said.

Kalinda sat down across from Lana and looked her straight in the eyes. "So you're a mom," she simply stated, not being one for small talk.

Lana shifted uncomfortably in her chair. Kalinda's emotionless face was making her nervous. She didn't want this thing with Kalinda to stop now that it finally seemed like they were moving towards something that might eventually could turn into something, but Kalinda didn't seem to share this thought at least not anymore, and that was making her nervous to say the least.

"So I'm a mom," Lana said breathing slowly. She reached across the table and took a hold of Kalinda's hand. "Look Kalinda, I'm sorry I didn't tell you…" she started, but was interrupted by Kalinda.

"Why didn't you?" She asked pulling her hand out of Lana's hold. She didn't like the hurt look that crossed Lana's face, but that didn't make this any better. She wasn't suppose to care about a hurt look, and she certainly wasn't suppose to care about Lana keeping secrets. The fact that she apparently did care made Kalinda want to run much more than Lana's secret did.

Lana leaned back in her chair taking a more defensive approach. It wasn't like she knew everything about Kalinda, far from it. So in Lana's opinion Kalinda didn't have any reason to be angry with her for this, and she was certainly getting the angry vibe from Kalinda right now. "Would you have wanted to know?" she said acting much more calm than she felt.

Kalinda opened her mouth to answer, but then realized that she didn't know. Wouldn't it have ruined this nice casual thing they had going, if Lana had told her about this? Or maybe she wouldn't have cared? Kalinda wasn't sure. She looked down at her hands not knowing how to answer Lana's question.

Luckily for Kalinda a waitress interrupted them at this moment. "What can I get you ladies?" The way too cheery waitress asked them.

Lana wasn't answering. She kept her eyes on Kalinda, seeing that she had hit it on the nail with her last question. She was hoping that this would make Kalinda realize that she had no reason to be angry with Lana about this.

Kalinda looked at the waitress when Lana didn't order anything for them. "Two glasses of wine," she told the waitress. She didn't care that she was going back to work after this and besides one glass hardly made a difference.

"Coming right up" the waitress said and left them alone again.

"Wine, really? You do realize we're going back to work after this right?" Lana said raising an eyebrow.

"So?" Kalinda said sending Lana a half smile which clearly made Lana relax and did a lot to help with the tension between them.

Neither of them spoke again until after the waitress had placed the two glasses in front of them and walked away. They both picked up their glasses and took a sip of the wine.

"So what I don't get is… you're gay, so… how did this happen? Was it before you realized it? I mean, you must have been around fifteen, right?" Kalinda asked, something she had been wondering about a lot since she had met Lana's daughter.

Lana smiled and took another sip of her glass before she answered. "No Kalinda, I didn't get pregnant at fifteen, I have in fact never been pregnant. I met Kelly's mom, Lisa, when I was seventeen and Kelly was two," she told her. "She was my high school teacher," she added.

Kalinda couldn't help but smile at this. This made much more sense than anything Kalinda had thought about. "You dated your high school teacher?" She asked. She found this to be so Lana that she was surprised she hadn't thought about it. Lana was hardly one to back down if she wanted someone - Kalinda knew that first hand.

"Yeah, ehm…" Lana said. She looked down and nervously bit her lip, which Kalinda found adorable, but she quickly shook it off. She wasn't someone to find something like that adorable and she shouldn't be finding it adorable now.

"What is it?" Kalinda asked reaching across the table and taking a hold of Lana's hand. She was curious to find out more about this, so she wanted to make Lana feel comfortable enough to tell her.

Lana looked back to Kalinda's eyes and squeezed her hand. She might as well just tell her the whole thing now; there was no point in hiding anything about this anymore. "I was with Lisa for ten years and well… Including Kelly we have four kids. Kelly at seventeen, Daniel and Christopher at eleven and Emma at eight." She told her.

Kalinda pulled her hand back and sat back in her chair. She grabbed her glass of wine and took a big sip. She wasn't looking at Lana anymore, knowing what kind of look she would find there and she couldn't look at that right now. She had had enough trouble with the fact that Lana had a teenage daughter, but learning that Lana had a family, that she had small children… Kalinda knew there was only one thing to do. It shouldn't be a problem doing it, she was used to it, but it was…

Lana could see Kalinda pulling away both physically and emotionally. This was the exact reason why she hadn't wanted to tell Kalinda. She had known that Kalinda wouldn't be interested in having anything to do with her if she knew about the kids.

"Kalinda listen, it's not that big a deal, I don't even get to see them that much," Lana explained. She realized that that was probably the first time she had ever used that as something positive. "I only have them one weekend a month." She searched Kalinda's face for a reaction. However, Kalinda seemed to barely be listening.

Kalinda was barely listening. She had registered what Lana had said about seeing her kids, but she had other concerns. Something she had thought wasn't that big a problem had now turned into being a big problem.

Nick. Nick knew about Lana. Nick knew about her and Lana. Nick knew where Lana lived.

Kalinda had not meant for him to know about any of this, but she hadn't been too concerned about it when she had learned that he knew. She knew that Lana could take care of herself, that she could protect herself. But Kalinda hadn't counted on children being involved. She had been okay with putting Lana in the middle of this thing with Nick, but she was not okay with children being apart of this. Nick might just be crazy enough to go after Lana's children if he couldn't get to Lana and Kalinda would not have that on her conscience. The only way to get him to back off would be for her to back off.

Kalinda stood up. "I have to go," she said with a voice that showed no emotions. She turned around and started walking away, only to be stopped by Lana's hand gripping her wrist and turning Kalinda back towards her.

"Kalinda," Lana said holding tightly onto Kalinda's wrist. "Don't…"

Kalinda was caught off guard with the look Lana was looking at her with. She seemed so… lost and confused. Kalinda kept her stone mask on though. She had to if she wanted to keep Lana and her family safe. "Let go Lana," she said calmly.

"No, why are you leaving?" She asked.

Kalinda knew that she had to say it. She had to make it clear to Lana, so that she wouldn't try to contact her again. She had to completely cut Lana out of her life, and it had to happen now. Kalinda looked away for a moment, locking her emotions up inside of her, so that she would be able to do this and make it believable.

"I don't want mess. I don't want to be part of anyone's mess." She held up her free hand to stop Lana from interrupting, as she had been about to do. "This _is_ mess and…" Kalinda stepped closer to deliver the final blow, keeping her face clear of any emotions. "You're not worth it." Kalinda then tore her wrist free from Lana's grip, which wasn't very tight anymore and walked away. She needed to get away from Lana as quickly as possible before the hold on her emotions fell.

Lana was left standing in the middle of the café looking after Kalinda as she walked out. She had just been punched in the heart and didn't know what to do with her self. She couldn't believe that she had meant so little to Kalinda and she felt so foolish for thinking that they had actually had something. She was hurt, she was angry and she needed to get out of here.


End file.
